Negativity and Anger

I am a negative person, I will be the first to admit that. I will also admit that I'm not a happy person. But when I complain about something that has angered me or whatever, 98% of the time its something OUT OF MY CONTROL. For example, there has been a lot of trash talk and lying when it comes to me. OUT OF MY CONTROL. I can't stop it. And even though there is nothing I can do about it it doesn't mean I have to like it or even just sit back and accept it. I will get angry. I won't be happy. Anger is a natural emotion. If you're able to just move on then more power to you. But I'M not you. We're not the same. I'm sure there are plenty of things you do that I feel is stupid, or tiring, not necessary, annoying, whatever, but if that's how you deal then who am I to say anything about it? I can't expect people to feel the same as me, think the same way, cope the same, act the same. Anything. I'm open minded enough to know everyone deals differently and NOT complain or think twice about how they go about doing it. I've also leaned not to say things to the extreme like "She ALWAYS does this" or "He NEVER says that" because always and never are generally not accurate. I'm not ALWAYS negative, probably more than most people but it's not something I'm always going on about. I'm also not ALWAYS mad. If that were true you would hear NOTHING from be but pure anger and negativity.

Yes there is a lot of complaints from me on MY BLOG but its because its MY BLOG and I use it to VENT. If you don't like it LEAVE. But if you look at something I'm on on a daily basis that has daily updates you will notice that LESS THAN HALF of them are negative or angry. Less than a quarter actually. But whatever. Keep thinking negatively of me and judge me. Do whatever you want because I know how I really am, those who I care about most know who I truly am and that's all that matters.

Only I know how I feel

It's very rare for me to actually open up to a person about anything. And even if I were to share how I feel no one but myself can know for sure how I feel. It could seem like something simple, or not a big deal but still, no one knows except for me. So for someone to tell me I can or can't do something or that I should, you're really in no position to tell me anything when you really have no idea.

Just because I shouldn't let something bother me doesn't mean I should just sit back and take it.

Why do people always have to give their "2 cents" when it comes to how a person feels? Ok, if they ask your opinion or for some advice, or you know the other side of the story then ok fine. But if you have no freakin idea why they're feeling a certain way how can you say ANYTHING?! If you know NOTHING how can you say ANYTHING?!!?!? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just because...

Just because you're 18 and LEGALLY an adult it doesn't mean you are MENTALLY.

Just because you can do something, it doesn't mean you should.

Just because you think you know everything, it doesn't mean you do.

Just because you think nobody has been where you are, it doesn't mean you're right.

Just because you're not forced to deal with something today, it doesn't mean you should ignore it.

Just because your parents are driving you crazy, it doesn't mean you should run away.

Just because you have restrictions that you don't agree with, it doesn't mean to rebel.

Just because you think you'll get your happily ever after, it doesn't mean you will.



Running away from one problem and jumping into something else too quickly when you're not ready does not mean all your problems will go away. Things will be much harder for you. You're setting yourself up for disaster and heartache. If someone has been where you are, LEARN FROM THEIR EXPERIENCE.

Ugh

I don't know what it is but I'm really bugged by this. Maybe it's because I'm completely fed up with people always just jumping to conclusions, maybe not. But whatever the reason is it doesn't change the fact that it's frustrating to deal with.

When someone makes a statement, without giving ALL the details as to why they feel or think that way (because it would take too long to go through) why do other people just assume something negative or a flaw in their thinking without trying to find out WHY they are making that statement in the first place? Making it seem like that person (again, assuming) didn't think things through or try to see all sides before verbalizing their opinion.

What is with people just assuming or coming to their own conclusions without trying to find out all the facts first?

It needs to stop because one of these days I will probably end up just blowing up on whoever is doing that and putting them in their place for not using their brain.

Stop Talking Trash!

I'm so sick and tired of people always talking trash about others when they DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY, when they DON'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON, when they DON'T EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO LOOK AT THE WHOLE PICTURE, when they JUST ASSUME THEY KNOW, etc etc etc.

Who are any of you to judge someone else?! Do you know what kind of problems we're faced with? No. Do you know our limitations? No. Do you see what we do all day long? No. So why do you act like you actually know WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA?!

Maybe you all should SHUT UP, stop focusing on others and FOCUS ON YOURSELF because obviously you need some work if you're going to be this judgmental! Or maybe it's because you're so pathetic and have no life that it makes you feel better about yourself to look at other people and point out the flaws you THINK they have.

Until you're perfect, you have NO BUSINESS talking trash about someone else. ESPECIALLY when all it is is an assumption and NOT FACT!

You people are supposed to be loving and up building but all you do is tear others down and are self righteous. Stop thinking the worst in people. You don't talk to us, you talk to others or make your own conclusions which are ALWAYS INCORRECT. You judge us for things you think you know, but you're the ones doing something much worse. Get off your high horse before you get knocked off, because it will happen one of these days and the only person you'll have to blame is yourself.

You know, I see things myself and could easily come to my own conclusion as to whats going on. But the reality is, I DON'T KNOW and whatever it is is THEIR BUSINESS not mine. I don't think the worst in them. I'm imperfect and it's not my place to speak negatively, spread lies, gossip, and talk trash about ANYONE.

And I do know for A FACT that people spread lies about us. How? Well for starters someone informed us that a certain someone that is supposed to be close to us is basically a "spy" to someone close to them. And because I've heard it first hand.

Only God can judge us and he'll do the same to you.

It's just one thing after another

It amazes me how you can be going through so many negative things all at once that you're stressed and maybe even depressed out of your mind for what may seem like forever, then finally a glimpse of hope appears. Things seem to be getting better and the feeling of stress is replaced with the feeling of relief. Then all of a sudden everything changes once again. Not only are you back to where you started, but its worse than before and you just can't believe how things manage to constantly go wrong.


With all the things I'm forced to deal with on a daily basis, I'm surprised I haven't done certain things so many others do in these types of situations. I guess it's because I know doing those things won't make anything better. That's logic for you.


What good is logic when you're miserable though.

Ignorance

I know a lot of things bother or annoy me. But there are just some things I cannot stand. One of those being, people insulting a culture that is not their own.

I realize there are a lot of things in other cultures that not all people will agree with, but for someone not of that culture to insult it just because they don't agree with it or like it is COMPLETELY IGNORANT. It's one thing not to like something, but who is anyone not directly associated to that culture in the position to make any kind of negative remark about those who do live that way?

People need to understand that THEY may not agree with a certain aspect of one's culture, BUT, those who are apart of that culture or are surrounded by it, its a way of life for them.

The reason I bring this up is because recently I came across an "online group" that is basically a "hate club" for something I'm interested in. I don't care if anyone hates something that I love to do. What I do care about though is their ignorance towards it and people who do it.

Poi Balls, which is a ball on a long piece of string that is swung around in different motions. (done with 2 or more at a time) It's a performance art from the Maori people of New Zealand. IT'S A PART OF THEIR CULTURE, yet the people in that hate group say people who do it are losers, should get a hobby or a job, are only trying to show off, etc etc etc. I'm sure there are those who do do it only to show off and try to impress others. But for people like me and people of that culture, they do it because they have respect and appreciation FOR THAT CULTURE.

You don't have to like it, or anything else for that matter, but no one is in any position to insult or critizise something of another culture. You people need to get over yourselves because you know what, I'm sure there are things you do too that others find to be stupid. You're not that great so just shut up.


Oh and by the way, I rather be a loser than an ignorant fool.

I don't do it JUST to do it. I actually preform as apart of Polynesian entertainment.

I need peace

I know things almost never go according to plan. That's fine. I can work with that. But why is it that it seems like NOTHING has gone right for me these past few years? Seriously, I can think of maybe a handful of good things in my life that basically mean squat because everything else gets screwed up in one way or another. These good things are meaningless if those other things don't work out. I'm so sick of just trying to be hopeful but end up being completely disappointed all over again. I'm so sick of the same thing going wrong time after time. I'm so sick of people treating me like crap and making me feel like I'm not even wanted. I'm so sick of everything just being a let down.

These things aren't even in my control which makes it that much more frustrating. I have to just deal with it and hope it doesn't push me over the edge. I have to keep everything locked up inside of me because I have no where to let it all out, and even I did it wouldn't change the fact that everything still goes wrong!

I need some things to start going right very soon otherwise I know I will have a mental break down and just crack.

After years and years of stress and disappointment I can feel the anger and sadness building up inside me. My chest hurts, I'm anxious, I panic, and I already have difficulty breathing properly. If you only knew what I was feeling inside I can guarantee you would almost loose the will to live. I say almost because I'm not there quite yet since I'm still able to manage some kind of hopefulness.

Don't let my smile fool you. Smiling doesn't equal happiness.

Do people not pay attention?

I don't know what it is about people but whenever I'm on a site to ask a question about something, they may or may not answer what I'm asking but making comments that SHOW they didn't read everything I was saying. It's so frustrating! Because it's like they're telling me to do something that I didn't already think of! But I just stated that if I were able to do it I would! What is it about people? I mean this never fails! I guess I do it to myself because I still go on these stupid sites...ugh...yeah I should stop....


An example of what I'm talking about would be, if someone were to read this and comment "well maybe you shouldn't go on those sites anymore" since I basically made a mention of that in the last sentence...


yeah...whatever

Pregnancy

I can't seem to get over how stupid people are when it comes to pregnancies. Teenagers, adults, it doesn't matter they come in all ages. It's like HELLOOOO!?!?! Really? Were you not paying attention in sex ed? Seriously? I don't remember how many times I've heard that condoms, birth control, whatever are NEVER 100% and the ONLY way you will not get pregnant is to NOT HAVE SEX. Yet so many are still so shocked that it happened to them. I mean come on. Are you supposed to be immune to it or something? Wishfull thinking? What is it to make you think it won't happen to you? And yes, having sex once is no different. If you're shocked to find out you're pregnant or that you're going to be a father, then YOU'RE AN IDIOT. If you don't want a baby either stop having sex or get your tubes tied for the girls and snip snip for the guys!


Stupid....ugh.....

My Business (part II)

Well I just thought I should let everyone know (since you were just dying to know. ha!) that I thought of a name! My business IS now called "Uniquely Sass". I will be selling handmade Jewelry, handmade purses, and depending on how my DIY projects go for the wedding maybe even handmade invitations, place cards, programs, etc! YAY! I'm so excited! :D

Here is my website: www.uniquelysass.com

I just started so I don't have much on it yet, hehe :P. In the future I plan on having a much nicer looking site. But for now, this shall do.

To those who personally know me

I want all of you to know that if you hear from ANYONE but myself or Tommy the "reasons" why I don't do this or that, or why I do certain things, don't pay any attention to them. Why? Because for starters who gave them permission to talk negatively about me, and because I don't ever tell people my reasons for doing or not doing something. So these people who do blurt out these "reasons" are just saying what THEY believe to be true. If you want the truth about me, ASK ME. I'm so sick of people saying wrong things about me which makes me look bad.

I just wanted to say...

I love Tommy with all my HEART! :)

Despite anything that goes wrong, he is the one person who can make it all better with a simple "I love you" or a smile. I don't know what I would do without him.

Going backwards

The feeling of hopefulness and happiness I think is officially gone. I'm so frustrated right now with EVERYTHING! I feel exactly like I did a few years ago. It's like I'm going backwards and I just want to scream....

I know this could just be a minor setback, but with how everything goes for ME I really doubt its only temporary. I don't expect life to be perfect, although that would be nice. I just wish I could be HAPPY for a longer period of time, or at the very least be able to deal better. Some people think I'm strong emotionally, but really, it's only because of how much I keep in.

I can't even verbalize how I'm feeling right now, or everything that is getting to me. I feel like I'm going to explode with everything I'm keeping in. I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm stressed, I'm anxious, I'm panicky, I'm frustrated, I feel like a waste of space, I'm feeling basically every negative feeling known to man. OK maybe not EVERY negative feeling...but you get what I'm trying to say...

Plan for the future

Since I'm the type of person that likes to think things through and plan for the future, that's exactly what Tommy and I did during the course of our relationship. We discussed kids, money, savings, traveling, a house, cars, etc etc etc. We went over anything and everything, probably more than we really needed to go through.

Now that we're engaged going over those things are only logical. I can't seem to understand though how some engaged couples never discussed a lot of these topics. One I find to be very common is the subject on kids. They find out during the engagement that their future spouse doesn't want kids but they really do. Why was this not discussed BEFORE? Now you have a bigger problem. You love this person and want to spend the rest of your life with them. But you really want kids, always wanted to be a mother/father, would regret not having children, but can't stand the thought of loosing the love of your life. So, you decide to marry them anyways hoping you get over not having kids or hope your significant other changes their mind. More than likely your plan won't work out the way you want and you'll either end up unhappy, or divorced.

People look at me, take notice that I'm young, engaged and assume I don't take it seriously or I'm not ready. Ummm, ok. A few years ago Tommy and I had a discussion with my mom, his parents, and another married person because we were going to get married at the courthouse (long story). They spoke to us about married life, asked us questions, and to their surprise WE ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT WE WERE "GETTING OURSELVES INTO." Even though we were never married before, we still have a good understanding of what to expect because we went over just about every possible situation we would go through in our marriage without anyone talking to us about it first. It just makes sense to sometimes plan for the future, maybe not to the extent that I do, but at least a little before you get yourself so deep into something and realize you're going to sacrifice a lot of what you wanted (things that shouldn't have to be sacrificed).

Getting Married

Growing up I never thought about my "dream wedding", I never cared if I was in a relationship, or when/if I got married. I didn't want to be one of those girls who practically based her life around these normal "wants" and turn them into obsessions. I wasn't going to concern myself over dumb things like that (not saying marriage is dumb), and I certainly wasn't going to become bitter because they never happened for me (if that ended up being the case). That's just pathetic.

If someone gets married before me, good for them. It doesn't matter WHEN you get married, all that matters is if you do get married, that your marriage lasts. Maybe you need to prioritize your life better if marriage is just that important to you.

My business

Since my fiance started up his own business I have been thinking a lot of all the businesses I hope to own someday, or how we could possibly expand his in the future. I'm a big time planner even though I realize things usually don't go according to plan, its just what I do and I have fun thinking about it. Anyways, since the type of businesses I would like to own won't become a reality anytime soon (if ever) I have been thinking about the small "business" I already have, or should I say had?

When I was a freshman in high school I started designing and selling handmade jewelry. It was just something I did on the side for fun. I occasionally held "jewelry parties" and sold my items to anyone interested. Some people I knew even offered to help sell my items to people they knew. I even had "employees" (my cousins who helped "design" new things, which was paid by commission). I kept tack of EVERYTHING and was very organized, which is why I will be dealing with the money and paperwork for Tommy's business. I received a lot of compliments, orders, and was even told a few times I should rent a booth of some sort at a craft fair or sell them online. I always wanted to expand my "business" but never got around to it. Then eventually I just stopped.

Now, I'm thinking of starting it up again and actually making the business official. Business cards, a website, you name it. I want it all and Tommy is all for it and supports me 100%. Even though I'm anxious to start it up again right now, I will be waiting till after we're married when things have "cooled down" and I can devote more time to it.

Now all I need is a catchy name. Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! :)

A new year: 2009

I have been thinking a lot about everything that's supposed to happen this year and for once I am actually hopeful and excited. The past couple of years have been a bit depressing, so a change would be nice.

2007 was horrible. I personally lost about 13 people in death. THIRTEEN! That's at least 1 funeral a month. I actually lost count because of how often someone I knew passed away. The only positive things were Tommy and I were engaged, I was able to see my best friend, and 2 weddings, 1 from each side of my family. Other than that...it was a horrible year...

2008 was a little better, nothing worth remembering but still better. Had to deal with all the first anniversaries of everyone's death which was difficult. Even now just thinking about it brings me down and gets me chocked up, especially since 1 is coming up in a few days. Only had one funeral last year, so that's a good thing I suppose. Only one, how sad is that. Less than 3 deaths a year is a good year. Wow. Developed my anxiety/panic problem which is obviously not a good thing. I think I've actually been able to figure out what has triggered it. Doesn't help much but at least I know why this is happening. Or at least I think I know. And because of this problem, I've been able to see a few people I know in a different way. I didn't think anything bad about them before but now it's just different. Ever since my "condition" has been made known to those around me, those who also have to deal with it have shown their love, concern, and compassion towards it. It helps knowing that people actually do understand and are there if I need them. So that's a plus. And also, a new baby in my family.

And now 2009. My future sister-in-law and her husband are expecting their second child! I'm very excited about that. Today she found out she's 8 weeks and due August 20Th, just in time for mine and Tommy's 5TH anniversary! A few other people we know are also expecting babies, 1 is due in a few days. Tommy and I are supposed to be getting married about a month after our anniversary, which of course we're really anxious for. A few other couples we know are also getting married this year. Tommy's business has been getting a lot of positive responses, with a lot of jobs needing to be done. So that's all good news.

So things are looking good, then again it is still only the beginning of the year. I feel like once Tommy and I are finally able to get married things will go well. Not that everything will be perfect and we won't have any problems. I know that isn't realistic thinking when it comes to marriage and life in general. But, since we've been together for so long and have to keep waiting to be married, I feel trapped. After the wedding even though I know I'll have to face other challenges, responsibilities, and have a new role in my life (a wife, business owner, future mother), I just see things being different. I'm looking forward to those things, and coming across life's problems. It's hard to explain. Its something you can't fully understand what I'm trying to say unless you're inside my head. All that really matters is I'm excited, I'm hopeful, and I'm becoming happier as time goes on. Hopefully this will be the best year yet. I can't wait.