I have been thinking a lot about everything that's supposed to happen this year and for once I am actually hopeful and excited. The past couple of years have been a bit depressing, so a change would be nice.
2007 was horrible. I personally lost about 13 people in death. THIRTEEN! That's at least 1 funeral a month. I actually lost count because of how often someone I knew passed away. The only positive things were Tommy and I were engaged, I was able to see my best friend, and 2 weddings, 1 from each side of my family. Other than that...it was a horrible year...
2008 was a little better, nothing worth remembering but still better. Had to deal with all the first anniversaries of everyone's death which was difficult. Even now just thinking about it brings me down and gets me chocked up, especially since 1 is coming up in a few days. Only had one funeral last year, so that's a good thing I suppose. Only one, how sad is that. Less than 3 deaths a year is a good year. Wow. Developed my anxiety/panic problem which is obviously not a good thing. I think I've actually been able to figure out what has triggered it. Doesn't help much but at least I know why this is happening. Or at least I think I know. And because of this problem, I've been able to see a few people I know in a different way. I didn't think anything bad about them before but now it's just different. Ever since my "condition" has been made known to those around me, those who also have to deal with it have shown their love, concern, and compassion towards it. It helps knowing that people actually do understand and are there if I need them. So that's a plus. And also, a new baby in my family.
And now 2009. My future sister-in-law and her husband are expecting their second child! I'm very excited about that. Today she found out she's 8 weeks and due August 20Th, just in time for mine and Tommy's 5TH anniversary! A few other people we know are also expecting babies, 1 is due in a few days. Tommy and I are supposed to be getting married about a month after our anniversary, which of course we're really anxious for. A few other couples we know are also getting married this year. Tommy's business has been getting a lot of positive responses, with a lot of jobs needing to be done. So that's all good news.
So things are looking good, then again it is still only the beginning of the year. I feel like once Tommy and I are finally able to get married things will go well. Not that everything will be perfect and we won't have any problems. I know that isn't realistic thinking when it comes to marriage and life in general. But, since we've been together for so long and have to keep waiting to be married, I feel trapped. After the wedding even though I know I'll have to face other challenges, responsibilities, and have a new role in my life (a wife, business owner, future mother), I just see things being different. I'm looking forward to those things, and coming across life's problems. It's hard to explain. Its something you can't fully understand what I'm trying to say unless you're inside my head. All that really matters is I'm excited, I'm hopeful, and I'm becoming happier as time goes on. Hopefully this will be the best year yet. I can't wait.
2007 was horrible. I personally lost about 13 people in death. THIRTEEN! That's at least 1 funeral a month. I actually lost count because of how often someone I knew passed away. The only positive things were Tommy and I were engaged, I was able to see my best friend, and 2 weddings, 1 from each side of my family. Other than that...it was a horrible year...
2008 was a little better, nothing worth remembering but still better. Had to deal with all the first anniversaries of everyone's death which was difficult. Even now just thinking about it brings me down and gets me chocked up, especially since 1 is coming up in a few days. Only had one funeral last year, so that's a good thing I suppose. Only one, how sad is that. Less than 3 deaths a year is a good year. Wow. Developed my anxiety/panic problem which is obviously not a good thing. I think I've actually been able to figure out what has triggered it. Doesn't help much but at least I know why this is happening. Or at least I think I know. And because of this problem, I've been able to see a few people I know in a different way. I didn't think anything bad about them before but now it's just different. Ever since my "condition" has been made known to those around me, those who also have to deal with it have shown their love, concern, and compassion towards it. It helps knowing that people actually do understand and are there if I need them. So that's a plus. And also, a new baby in my family.
And now 2009. My future sister-in-law and her husband are expecting their second child! I'm very excited about that. Today she found out she's 8 weeks and due August 20Th, just in time for mine and Tommy's 5TH anniversary! A few other people we know are also expecting babies, 1 is due in a few days. Tommy and I are supposed to be getting married about a month after our anniversary, which of course we're really anxious for. A few other couples we know are also getting married this year. Tommy's business has been getting a lot of positive responses, with a lot of jobs needing to be done. So that's all good news.
So things are looking good, then again it is still only the beginning of the year. I feel like once Tommy and I are finally able to get married things will go well. Not that everything will be perfect and we won't have any problems. I know that isn't realistic thinking when it comes to marriage and life in general. But, since we've been together for so long and have to keep waiting to be married, I feel trapped. After the wedding even though I know I'll have to face other challenges, responsibilities, and have a new role in my life (a wife, business owner, future mother), I just see things being different. I'm looking forward to those things, and coming across life's problems. It's hard to explain. Its something you can't fully understand what I'm trying to say unless you're inside my head. All that really matters is I'm excited, I'm hopeful, and I'm becoming happier as time goes on. Hopefully this will be the best year yet. I can't wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment