Friday, December 5, 2008

Love is blind

For as long as I could remember, people have told me that if you're ever in a relationship and EVERYONE around you does not like that person then there is obviously something you are not seeing.

I guess this bothers me because I was never naive like so many are today. Even as a teenager growing up with my peers I was often annoyed by their stupidity and immaturity in their thinking (or lack of) and actions. I wasn't a prude or a goody goody, but I wasn't a stupid kid who didn't think about how my actions would affect me in the future. I was able to have fun, without being a typical teenager.

Back to my point, I am witness to so many (young) couples who are completely blinded by "love" and a big wedding that they don't see how their choice in a spouse would affect their future happiness and sanity. This is not an assumption or just something I've noticed, and I know it isn't my business, but that doesn't change the fact that its annoying how these "adults" can be so stupid, blind, and naive. They'll just have to learn the hard way that they really should have thought things through before making such a serious commitment

But why is it that when someone's significant other is controlling, insecure, and jealous that they can't see the red flags?

-Being told you can't see or talk to your best friend or friends anymore
-Can't be involved in something you love because they don't want you doing it (example: playing basketball with your friends)
-You can't do something UNLESS they are with you
-You can do what you want as long as they already have plans
-You can't hang out with a certain person because they turned down your significant other
-Being told what to do like you're a child

Why would any of that be tolerated? Why would someone who says they love you treat you like that? And if they act this way in front of everyone you know, having no shame, why would things be any better behind close doors once you're actually married?

Once they get out of that honeymoon stage and reality kicks in, how happy will they truly be? They won't. And that will result in an unhappy marriage, which will probably end in divorce. Now, I'm not saying that marriage will be perfect and that there will be no problems, because that's not realistic thinking. Flaws and imperfections are one thing, but flaws as serious as those will take its toll.

I'm all for bettering yourself or letting go of a life thats not "good" but you shouldn't give up what you love or those who are important to you, your freedom, and dignity just because THEY want you to. I'm not saying ignore their concerns and feelings, but certain things you shouldn't have to compromise.

There is a pattern though in the case of those I personally know. The naive, blinded by love are immature, not emotionally ready for marriage or even a relationship, this is their first serious relationship, haven't been together longer than a year before the engagement (so they're still in the "honeymoon" phase) insecure, low self esteem, and ready to just settle because they fear this will be their only chance to get married. They have ignored those red flags IN HOPE of change.

So if anyone who reads this is in a situation where your loved ones, friends and family, dislike your significant other take into consideration their reasons and actually take it to heart. Those who really love you want you happy and want whats best for you. Open your eyes and see for yourself who they are, not what you hope they become.

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